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The American Spectator, February 1974 Issue PDF - Previous Issue / Next Issue
22 Articles, 32pp

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The Continuing Crisis ....- 2
Editorial: R. Emmett Tyrrell, J r 3
The Business of America: Lindley H. Clark Jr 4
Contributors 10
The Public Policy: Peter Rusthoven 11
The Nation's Pulse: Baron Von Kannon 18
Brudnoy's Film Index 23
The Bootblack Stand 24
The Talkies: Benjamin Stein 25
Letter from a Whig: C. Bascom Slemp 26
Special Editorial: Peter Hughes 27
Correspondence 28
Current Wisdom 30
Neil Howe: Fitzgerald and the American Dream 5
Max Geltman: I Remember, I Remember—1929 8
Henry Regnery: The Freedom to Read 9
Alan Reynolds: Energy Economics 12
James Dornan: Nixon's China Initiative 13
Hugh Kenner on A Second Flowering 17
George Nash on Obscenity and Public Morality 20
Thomas Etzold on The Politics of Normalcy 22
John Chamberlain on 77ie Young Mencken 24
Published remarkably without regard to race, color, creed, or (mt
redundantly of all) national origin—and yes, sex, even sex.
Editor in Chief: R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr.
Publisher: Baron Von Kannon of the Saturday Evening Club
Circulation and Promotion: Ronald E. Burr
Managing Editor: Neil Howe
Assistant Managing Editor: Joyce Goldberg
Production Editor: Barry B. Burr
Senior Editors: Terry Krieger • William Kristol
Rev. George Nathan
Americana Editor: C.H. Simonds, D.D.
Executive Secretary: Sally A. Mulholland
Associates: David Brudnoy • Jameson G. Campaigne, Jr.
D.W. Cooper • John R. Coyne, Jr. • James Grant
Peter Hughes • Joseph A. Morris • Roger D. Tyrrell
Contributors: Paul Bernstein • Frank W. Blatchford III
Ron Docksai D J.P. Duggan • David Friedman
Jerry Gerde • John Kelley • W. Wesley McDonald
Robert McTiernan [H Jeffrey M. Nelson •
Gary North • Terry O'Rourke • G.W. Plunkitt
Peter Rusthoven • C. Bascom Slemp • Mark Souder
David Tudor • Wayne H. Valis • Richard Wheeler
Timothy Wheeler
Alien Contributors: Eric Brodin • Carl Miller •
Judy Tyrrell
Art Director: Elliott Banfield
Art: Gustave Dore • Eric Lohnaas
Th« Artornatrv* was founded in 1924 by George Nathan and Truman Newberry over a cheap
domestic beer in McSorley's Old Ale House Originally published on restroom walls, only since
1967 has it come under purview of the Saturday Evening Club which publishes it monthly October
through June One year subscriptions (nine issues) cost $600, and all correspondence
(manuscripts, subscriptions, threatening letters, etc.) should be sent to The Alternative, c/o The
Establishment, R.R. 11. Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A.
Microfilm editions of TtM Artsrratlv* are available from Xerox University Microfilms, 300 North
Zeeb Road, Ann Arbor, Michigan 48106
Copyright The Alternative Magazine 1974.
• December, the month in which Christ's
birth is commemorated, was also the month
in which Representative Gerald R. Ford
was raised to the vice-presidency, a position
he actually seems to have yearned for. But
as to who planned the gaudy Capitol Hill
ceremony wherein he was anointed, no one
is saying, though there were hints that an
anonymous dignitary from one of the
various central African democracies had a
hand in it.
• The extraordinary assembly abounded
with solons, justices, famous faces from the
media, and the President himself. The flavor
of the affair was embalmed for all history
in the Vice President's stunning
address which began, "I am a Ford not a
Lincoln. . ." and climbed anon to even
more grandiose heights.
• Senator William Proxmire, Wisconsin's
twice-mugged Senator, suffered disaster
when he slipped on ice while jogging to
work. His surgically beautified face was
bruised, and his esteem for physical fitness
was so shaken he may take up needlepoint.
In Boston, Mr. Mordecai Swell survived an
extended ordeal in one of the world's largest
commercial popcorn poppers. Buttered
and salted, Mr. Swell dragged himself from
a cylinder containing two acres of popcorn
and cheerfully collected his one-hundred
dollar bet. Congratulations Mr. Swell!
• Once again glad tidings arrive from
Zaire where President Mobuto Sese Seko
boosted that progressive republic's civil
rights movement by decreeing that Batswa
tribesmen (internationally known as Pygmies)
are now free to serve in the armed
forces. As Zaire comprises most of what
was once called the Belgian Congo, there
was some alarm at the United Nations
when Mr. Seko announced that "Foreigners
should know that from today onward there
are no more pygmies in Zaire. . . ." But
Mr. Seko relieved international apprehensions
in a clarifying statement, noting that
by "no more pygmies" he merely meant
that the erstwhile pygmies are now to be
called Batswanese. Engines of free enterprise
fired up in lovely Kuala Lumpur
where a bounty was put on rats—local specialists
in the healing professions had been
mixing the critters into their valued elixirs.
• Having spent nearly seventeen years
defusing him, authorities finally released
Mr. George Metesky, "the famed Mad
Bomber," at an austere ceremony in
Queens, New York. Though he has been
declared "harmless" and even mellow,
there apparently is still enough interest in
him for him to launch a college lecture tour
sometime this spring. Increased fuel prices
and lowered speed limits prompted unruly
behavior from truckers across the nation,
as the Administration suggested still more
humorous nostrums for the energy crisis.
But by the month's end, that crisis was
mollified by the surprising news that the
government had exaggerated shortages
and by the unsurprising news that the
Arabs had forgotten that Hawaii was part
of the United States and so had continued
to ship oil to that astonishingly thirsty isle.
The Supreme Court decided that police can
search those they arrest so long as the
arrest is lawful and the suspect is ultimately
• In response to what he termed a "national
epidemic" of crank telephone calls,
the noted publisher, Baron Von Kannon,
announced plans to begin the nation's first
professional crank answering service, centered
in New York City. In a December
14th press conference held at Manhattan's
Three Dollars The Night Hotel, the innovative
young publisher announced that all
crank answers will be copyrighted and "refreshingly
crazy," having been composed by
"twenty-three certified lunatics." He was
quick to state that none will be "obscene
or sexy in any way," though he admitted
"there will be a lot of heavy breathing and
even more panting."
• Representative William Alexander (D-
(continued on page 31)
The Alternative February 1974

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